Welcome back :D Previously, the Pause children were all horrible to each other, Jacqueline was horrible to her kids, and Locke got mushy with a new romantic interest.

Jacqueline was visiting her twin sister Monique and Monique’s husband Isaac. She could not contain herself and started laughing diabolically. Jacqui: “Muwahahahahah, this place sure is spacious. There’s so much room to store my ill gotten gains and then frame them!”

She may have forgotten they were both cops. Isaac: “What did you just say?” Jacqui: “I frame you gooooooooood.” Isaac: *suspicious*

Back at home Dawn was expressing herself through the canvas. What is it anyway? A ghoul? Dawn: “It’s a self aware entity made entirely of trees and compost. He doles out justice to those who take advantage of mother earth.” Ah. So what’s the sun-like thing behind him? Dawn: “That’s the sun.”

Locke was also expressing himself. By venting his frustration on the stove. Locke: “Damn you Jacqueline. Damn you Lorraine. Why do I attract evil women. I could have married a homely girl and opened a repair shop. Sure she wouldn’t be attractive but I would have been somewhat happy! But no, I went for the bombshell with maniacal tendencies.”

Locke: “It’s my birthday! I didn’t believe that I would ever live to see myself get old.” Jedda: “Really? How interesting. No, that’s not right. What’s that other word? Tedious.”

Locke: “This array of silver hair stands for my triumph over a villainous lover. I lived to become an elder and I kept my dignity.”

Jedda: “DAD! You look ridiculous! Are you going to invest in a coin purse!? And start tucking your cardigans into your pants!? And wear socks in the summer!!!”

Jacqui: “Hey, you got old. Well as long as everything is still in it’s proper place, we don’t have a problem.” Locke: “We’ve discussed this before. Above the belt when the kids are around okay?”

Kavalee was out enjoying the delights of the town and managed to captivate three promising young ladies. Kavalee: “Port Dalunga is the fishing capital of the world, it even has it’s own fish themed religion. When people want to get married they hug for 3 days straight.” Julie: “You should show me Kavalee.”

Julie: “If we could only stay like this for three days, we could be married.” Kavalee: “Yes, but usually the wife-to-be wears a necklace of entrails and sucks on fish eyes to appease their gods.”

Linda: “What gives!? I’ve been standing around here for ages looking interested in whatever you were talking about. Where’s my hug that goes on for a little too long?”

Kavalee: “I was getting around to you. But you are being impatient and greedy. So you get no hugs at all for now.”

Linda: “I’m wearing a jacket that matches my eyes. How did he not fall for me!?” Julie: “You know what they say about men who don’t notice colours or style. He’s definitely straight, and I call dibs.”

Kavalee was unsure about the girls, so he asks Dove to give him a hand. Dove: “Detective Aunty Dove reporting for duty, my little nephew.”

Kavalee: “Detective Dove, I have two sisters who are squabbling over my good looks and Adonis build. Can you do some snooping and try to find which one I should let seduce me?” Dove: “I can solve this case for you right now. Look over there.”

Linda: “Maybe I should have shown him my dance moves. ♪♫Eye of the tiiiiiiiiigerrrrrrrrrrr ♪♫” Julie: “Yeah, because that would have worked. Come on, we’ll be late for science camp.”

Kavalee: “Wow! Now I want to hit them both over the head with a frying pan! Thanks for solving my case Detective Dove.” Dove: “For payment, all I ask is a hug.”

Dove: “You still smell like a newborn.”

Archer and Locke were in the garage discussing manly matters, like chainsaws and how they are cool. Archer: “I can hardly invent exciting new things when all I have is a wrench. When can I have a go with the chainsaw?”

Locke: “When you’re old enough to have two vindictive girlfriends.....then you can wield a chainsaw.” Archer: “Aww no fair.”

Dawn: “Kavalee thinks it’s alright keeping fish and butterflies in tiny containers in his room. It’s abhorrent! I wish to break the glass and set them all free.”

Locke: “Now Dawn, don’t you think you’ve taken this eco-business too far. We're already putting up with your organic vegies and water saving nonsense. Don’t undermine Kavalee’s hobby because it’s somehow inhumane. Animals don’t know any better.” Umm wait a minute Locke......

Is that a chisel still stuck to your hand?

Locke: “You see sweetie, I finally realised that I’m always sculpting because I need a weapon to defend myself from your mother, then it hit me. Why don't I just carry a tool around with me at all times. Now I can watch TV instead of hiding away in the stuffy garage.”

Dawn: “I understand Dad. More than you know.”

Three cakes mean a triplet party!

Jedda and her cousin Dixie Deens (simpairment) were not getting along at all. Maybe they disagree about who gets away with the hair colour better.

Dixie: “Oh who am I kidding. She does wear the legacy hair better than I do.” Jedda: “I also pull off green stripes better.”

I was hoping this would be synchronised, but instead a strange lady who wasn’t invited is raiding the fridge.

WOW! I was really worried about how Dawn would look because as a kid she REALLY looked like Locke, but she’s a freakin’ stunner.

Of course the son of an evil woman had to be good.....it makes perfect sense!

Genetics wise, apart from hair and skin tone, Samson and Archer are the same person. Damn you random genetics, why couldn’t you give the same hair and skin. It would have been confusing but awesome!

Samson: “Just you watch, soon I’ll be an unstoppable force, like some sort of spy-ninja. Then you and your evil crew will be in a world of trouble.” Jacqui: “Shut up and mop that floor.” Samson: “Yes m’am.”

Locke’s new love interest also came to express her thoughts on the celebration. Lorraine: “You two both grew up wearing puffy life jacket vests! You really are the nerd twins!” They did, it was painfully sad.

Locke: “You know Archer, for some reason I always felt that I had a special bond with you and now I know why. You’re the polar opposite to your mum. I always dreamt that my son would be the one to take down Jacqueline and her evil posse.” Archer: “Man, I’m gonna arrest her so hard!”

Locke: “Just be careful, now she’s knows you’re good she’s going to try with all her might to turn you evil. Also, she may try to kill you.” Archer: “Thanks for looking out for me Dad.”

Samson: “Same goes for me too right, Dad?” Locke: “Uh yeah sure, why not.” Samson: :D

Jacqui: “Now that I see Archer and Samson with Locke’s build I have to agree. My build only suits ladies. You just look spindly.”

Kavalee: “Spindly!? Mother, you can say such harsh words.”

Locke: “Leave the poor kid alone. He can’t help it if he wasn’t blessed with my staunch physique. Let him play with his fantasy.”

Jacqui: “Uh-huh. When are you going to stop carrying around that chisel?” Locke: “When you stop being an evil mastermind with an inclination towards being a sociopath.” Jacqui: “Yeah, not gonna happen.”

Jacqui: “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and bully Archer and crush his spirit. Are you watching me walk away?” Locke: “Yes, like you told me to.”

Locke: “Sometimes those fine cheeks almost make up for the years of living in fear......How was that?” Jacqui: “Say the line louder next time.”

Jacqui: “Don’t think I’m going to let a goody-two shoes live in the same house as me. You better start at least pretending to have some evil tendencies. Go torch your sister’s vegetable garden.”

Archer: “Aww man, I haven't even been good for a day and you’re already yelling at me about it. Can’t you look into my puppy-dog eyes and learn to love me for who I am?” Jacqui: “No, and stop planning to thwart my evil empire. Jedda told me what you boys are up to.”

Archer: “Jedda! Did you tell mum that I’m hellbent on destroying her evil empire and ratting her out to every law enforcement in the world?” Jedda: “Well it’s true!” Archer: “Yes, but she didn’t have to know!”

Archer: “It sucks that mum knows about our plans.” Samson: “It’s going to much harder to stop her taking over the world now. She might not want to even pay for us to go to spy academy.”

Archer: “This pawn has been a valuable asset to this organisation. Your sacrifice will not be in vain.”

Samson: “Are you going to do a eulogy for every chess piece I take?”

Archer: “I’m practicing for when my future comrades die fighting an evil mastermind’s battle-droids. The look of compassion and anger must be just right. Rest in peace, pawn.”

Kavalee continued to skip school and spend the day fishing and chasing insects. Another perfect fish to add to his collection.

...How are you holding that fish? It weighs over a thousands kilos...

Darn it, I got side tracked and forgot about Kav’s birthday again. I wanted him to get all 21 perfect fish while he was still a teen, but he still doesn’t have the deathfish.

Could Kavalee have gotten a more useless trait than angler? A man who has 20 perfect fish out of the 21 he needs, does not need angler! Grah. *sob* my little baby Kav is all grown up.

Okay it’s not just me. Kavalee’s upper body is seriously out of proportion to his waist right? His head does not fit the rest of his body and if I may steal a phrase, he’s got noodle-arms. And noodle-legs.

Kavalee: “Who’s got noodle arms? Archer? He does need to work out a bit more.” Aww Kav, I luvs ya.

Jedda had invited over Peter, the blue-haired boy from the library who finally got a picture taken from the front. Peter: “I was at the library again today and someone dared mention that the printing press was invented in late September 1439 when everybody knows it was actually early September 1439.” Jedda: “Er, yeah. Listen, could you follow me outside?”

Peter: “Any reason you wanted to take this outside....away from prying eyes?” ;) Jedda: “Listen loserface, I don’t know who you think you’re kidding, but you are the most dull person I’ve ever met. Even more so than my dead ancestors. You should leave before you leave me comatose!”

Peter: “OH NO, some stupid bimbo thinks poorly of me because I know how to open a book. Whatever will I do? How will I sleep at night knowing this? Life is so unfair. If only I spoke the language of the vacuous people!”

Jedda: “I am strangely attracted to your verbal abuse.”

<3 Smooches <3

Peter: “Oh man, this is getting hot. Me and my girlfriend have been looking for ages for someone to get risky with us.”

Jedda: “.......................................................................................”

Jedda: “Listen Smurfman, I’ve got what people call Heroin-Lips. Now that your lips have touched mine, no other woman will ever be enough for you. If you ever want to have that experience again you better be back here tomorrow, sans girlfriend. If you don’t, you’ll never get the chance to kiss me again...and my mother will eat your family.” Peter: “Yes, I would very much like to touch those lips again.”

Lusting for the sweet kiss from Jedda again, Peter ran back over as soon as the sun came up. Jedda: “Did I say to come by tomorrow MORNING!? No! I don’t think I did!”

Peter: “Oh god, I think I peed a little. I really want to kiss you again but can I use the bathroom first?”

Peter: “Why are you watching me wash my hands?” Dawn: “Water is a precious commodity and it unfortunately isn’t unlimited. I’m making sure everyone knows this and understand that they can’t stand at the sink for half an hour to wash their hands.”

Peter: “Whatever.” Dawn: “Horray, I’ve made a difference!”

Dawn: “I wanted to apologize for barging into the bathroom before. I know I can get carried away with encroaching my idealisms on others.” Peter: “No, it’s all good. I realize the importance of helping out the earth because we were bastards to it. I understand your point of view.”

Dawn: Wait a minute, no one understands my point of view. What’s his angle?!

Dawn: Wait a minute, if he understands my point of view then his angle is the same as my angle. Which means he also wants to save the world. Which means we could be a team. Which means we could improve people’s awareness through our partner ship. Which means our partnership is........... oh no I’ve got to stop this train of thought before I fall......Damn. Too late. I’m in love with him.

Jedda: “So you think you can act all nice to my sister and eat my waffles!? I’m bored of you again. Get out.” Peter: “What!? But we haven’t even kissed yet today.”

Jedda: “Listen you nerd, I know you didn’t break up with your girlfriend. That was the deal.” Peter: “I’m sorry. I told her about our kiss and she wanted to try it as well!” Jedda: “I’m not some classless drug merchant. I don’t give it up for anyone.” Peter: “Come on, pleeeeeaaaaaase let me kiss you. I need a fix!” Jacqui: “That’s my girl. Make him cry, make him beg on his knees!”

Dawn: “You really kicked out Peter to go cold turkey? That’s a bit mean.” Jedda: “Yeah, he’ll be back in two days with the sweats, then I’ll charge him! Haha! Wait....is that considered prostitution?” Dawn: I need to tell her how I feel. I’m going to explode if I don’t. Just slip it in causal conversation.

Dawn: “So anyway.....I like your boyfriend.” Jedda: “UNEXPECTED!”

Jedda projected her anger at Dawn towards Samson. Jedda: “Hey dorkus, I told mum all about your ‘super-secret spy plan’! She’s not happy. She’s about to come in and make you wish you were as boring as Kavalee.” Samson: “Childish insults feel so hurtful coming from you.”

Samson: “Great, now I gots two bitches who be on my case.”

Jacqui: “Don’t think I don’t know all about you and your brother’s so called ‘plans’ to capture me and foil all my evil plans. See the ground? Samson: What, the ground right here?” Jacqui: “Yes, the ground right here.”

Jacqui: “This is what I will do to you and your brother.” Samson: “You’ll eat my family!?”

Jedda: “Now that the initial flooding anger has ebbed we can talk like normal sisters. You really like Peter?” Dawn: “Yeah, I do.” Jedda: “Well I guess that since your not one of my loser brothers I don’t really mind. I never liked him that much anyway. He’ll get over the cravings for me in rehab.”

Jedda: “Just make sure he dumps his girlfriend, otherwise you are going to find yourself in a smurf sandwich.” Dawn: “I’m not sure what that means, but thanks for having a sisterly talk with me without belittling me for wanting to save the earth.” Jedda: “I won’t lie. It was a challenge.”

Wouldn’t it be a good idea if you invested in some protective clothing...and goggles? Archer: “Half closing my eyes works just as well, and I can get a tan at the same time.”

Archer took a break to have a shower and wasn’t back inventing one minute before he blew it up. Archer: Darn it, I should have just stayed smelly!

Hey, I think your ass is on fire. Archer: *cough* *gasp* *splutter*

Archer: “Did you say before that my ass was on fire?” Yes I did.

Archer: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Archer: “Someone come and put out my ass! Why is no-one helping me!? Come on triplet-senses, reach your fellow triplet in pain and do something!!!”

Archer: “Oh thank Christ! Someone’s here! Help me!” Samson: “Hey Archer, you haven’t see my cowboy hat have you? Cannot find it anywhere.” Archer: “GAHHHHH! PUT THE FIRE OUT!!!!!”

Samson: “Hey bro, you know your ass his on fire?” Archer: “YES! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!”

Samson: “Alright. You know that would have been good training for the future. Evil people try to set fire to super secret spies all the time, or so I’m lead to believe by the movies.”

Samson: “Wow, I think your clothes could have been considered dangerously hot also” *chuckle*

Archer: “I’m saved. All this invention cost me was 60% of my skin.” Samson: “You big baby.”

Archer: “Gee Dawn, thanks for coming to rescue me. Thanks for paying attention to those triplet senses of yours and saving me from being engulfed in flames.”

Dawn: “Triplet senses? What the hell are you talking about?” Archer: “You guys suck. I may as well have been in the womb on my own with all the good you guys do for me.”

Locke: “Mother set fire to you?” Archer: “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Now that all the kids are teenagers it’s finally time for another heir poll. This one has got me really excited. I normally have a good idea on who is going to win, but I'm not sure this time. Make your vote count...and such :D