Xmas Cards 2010

Well here they are… unsent & unseen till now. 10 Original Xmas Cards Complete with sound FX & music…

With the introduction of my new Xmas Card Repair shop no one got to see these… till now… enjoy!

Dress in Holiday Style… [Bonus joke… Gay apparel in the back]

Pesky Xmas Tree Angels!

Reindeer Gets a Curling Iron

Santa Caws Perhaps Santa misunderstood tweeting?

Frosty Reports an Identity Theft…

Frosty incorporates the ‘Situation’ with a volley ball

Jousting Snowman

Santa might be a lil late this year… [Bonus Joke: TSA Agent has installed mistletoe]

A Juggler’s Snowman

Viva Bethlehem! If the Xmas Miracle happened in Las Vegas

Whew! What a year… So many achievements… so many significant incidents… Um… So let’s see, where do we begin... Hmmm… [Scratch]… [Look in fridge]… [Re-align shoes by the door][Scratch again] [smack out paradiddles bare handed on the kitchen trash bin] [Ding! Enchilada’s done] [Repeat & Rinse].   Well I know something happened… Memo to self… You’re a handsome bastard! Here’s the thing… I’m quite prolific… Really. I’m a thinker. I do this 24-1. [Dada Dee Doo…] I once read where a man was actually so bored… he turned into a piece of wood... Hey here’s something… I’ve been watching a lot of late night celebrity solitaire… [Now we’re rolling!] Also this year, we almost moved to ‘Whispering Pines’... but we got tired of asking the locals to speak up. The house had a koi pond but to be honest I found the fish to be quite outgoing.   And…. The Xmas Letter 2010 [Pt. 1] Hit Pause To Read!!!!!

For Thanksgiving we had Turmingokeet… similar to a Turducken, it’s a Turkey stuffed with a Flamingo lawn ornament, stuffed with a parakeet. It was a little tough since we forgot to remove the metal spike. Oh, & during the 1st Thanksgiving, did the Indians bring the green bean casserole? No? Then stop making it! I did my part this holiday & helped toss the potato salad… into the garbage. Listen people! We all have our favorite foods… so back off & stop telling people what to eat… if I like Boneless Puppies, so be it!   And…. The Xmas Letter 2010 [Pt. 2] Hit Pause To Read!!!!!

And…. The Xmas Letter 2010 [Pt. 3] Hit Pause To Read!!!!! Our health is good. We go to Dr. Benny Hanna… He can remove a gall bladder in 28 seconds… & when he’s feeling frisky he can flip a kidney stone to the top of his hat. I got a cat scan & they found something odd… a hairball?! Hi-yo! Dr. Benny said I may have male pattern fatness. [Sigh] You know how they say you are what you eat? It’s not true... This year I ate rich foods, eye candy & stud muffins… So why do I look like I’ve eaten nothing but Pot Belly Pigs? I have a ‘Situation’ [Abs], only I call mine ’Dire’. The Dr. said I needed to be in better shape… Hello?! I was going for oval! 

And…. The Xmas Letter 2010 [Pt. 4] Hit Pause To Read!!!!! Anyway, here are a few highlights of our year: -We bought those Rosetta Cds for ‘Broken English’ lessons… “We learn much fast!” The next language I think we’ll try is Creamy Italian. -I went on a hunting trip for Peking Duck. The trick here was dressing the decoys in skimpy outfits & enticing the real ducks to sneak a peak. -And… I interviewed to be a Crash Test Dummy but they said I was overqualified… that’s right people… apparently I’m a Crash Test Genius!   Okedoke folks! We apologize for droning on so about all our endless activities but hey… that’s what friends & these letters are for! Merry Xmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Merry Xmas folks! Until next year… get out there & buy me stuff!

Good Luck with the Holiday Traffic