FUNNY QUOTES

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils (Louis Hector Berlioz)

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain (Lily Tomlin)

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film

There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

Quotes from coolfunnyquotes.com Images from the Internet Music: Johannes Linstead Formation: GinaSF